Shhhhhh... Do you hear that?

Just the sound of my dishwasher going :o) It is so quiet in this house. Thank you, Lord. Today was a tough one... Kenny was grounded for kicking Trey. What a joy to have a 5 year old who can't go outside. A 5 year old boy at that! It was trying.

Something is wrong with Trey. I don't know what it is, but he's not happy. I know he and Jaeden both worry about their mom a lot, but this doesn't seem like worry. He is really unhappy. I know he wishes that Jerry and his mom would get back together, but believe me when I tell you that would never work again. Hell, it didn't work the first time. It seems like there is even more to it than that, though. I don't know what it is and it makes me very sad. I talk to him and he cries, but won't open up. It is breaking my heart.

Jerry called his regular doctor because the specialist wants to do MORE testing. Good grief. This is about ridiculous. Hopefully his doc will find someone to just take the stupid thing out. The results of his bone scan were negative which means it is not cancerous! Praise the Lord!!! I can't understand why they won't just remove it. It's beginning to feel like they're just being greedy.
More tests = more $.
I'm praying that we hear from his doctor tomorrow and that he knows someone who will remove it if possible. I hate that he hurts and can't play with the kids like he usually does. He says he's going to play softball on Thursday. This should be interesting.

My best friend's father had his testing done and they are going to do surgery to remove the cancer! They seem to think it will be really easy and super treatable. God is good all the time. Even when I'm mad at Him ;o)

Things with me are ok. I'm a little emotional right now, but that shouldn't surprise anyone who has known me in the past 5 years. Kids really screw you up. If I can get myself in check I'll be good to go! I am looking forward to our trip to North Carolina to see my brother, his wife and Preston! I can not wait. I suppose I had better call it a night. Jerry is already in bed sleeping and I have once again missed out on pillow talk (One of my favorite things). I hope to have a super funny story to share with you soon. Enough of this gloom and doom nonsense. Bring on the sunshine and rainbows!!!

I didn't plan for any of this!

Well, 2011 has proven to be a bit of a whirl wind. My days have all kind of run together and I can't seem to put a timeline to any of the events that have been going on as of late. Let me start by tackling the custody of Jaeden thing from my last post.
HE'LL BE LIVING HERE PERMANENTLY ON AUGUST 9TH!!!!

We got an attorney, Heather signed the necessary paperwork, we went to the courthouse and sat before a judge, he signed the necessary paperwork and it was official :o) That was the biggest relief. Jerry and I were both elated! We were on a high I was sure wouldn't end until mid September when I would start to ask " What have we done???".

On May 2nd, my in-laws came down from Wisconsin to visit for a week or so. They arrived that Monday afternoon, set up their camper in Grapevine and then headed over here. We had dinner together and then set about making plans for the week. We made a general itinerary then relaxed and enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the night.
The next morning I went to their campsite ready to embark on the adventures that sunny Tuesday held for us. It was around 11 a.m. and Tricia, my mother-in-law, was out walking their dog. Jerry, my father-in-law, answered a phone call and I could hear someone hysterical on the other end. It was my sister-in-law, Amanda. She was crying so hard he could barely understand her. They had just found that their beautiful 14 month old daughter, Brie, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was the size of an orange.

The white part is her tumor...

I immediately asked what I could do to help pack up. I knew they needed to be there for Amanda and Jason. Jerry asked if I would like to go with them as there was room for both Kenny and I in their truck. I call and asked "my Jerry" what he wanted me to do. I was in such shock I couldn't make my head wrap around it. All I could think was, "I have to do laundry. I need to make dinner tonight. What about the dog? Jerry needs me home." I was stuck in robo mode. I went into exist mode. Before I could finish asking what he wanted me to do he was telling me I needed to be there. I drove home, threw some clothes in a bag and we were on the road by lunch time.
We arrived at Mayo in Rochester, MN just before Brie went in for surgery Wednesday morning. I don't know that I've ever cried that hard for that long. We all just kind of held each other as we tried to make some sort of sense of it. Long story short, she was in surgery for 6 hrs, they removed all of the tumor, it took 7 days to get pathology back, I was gone for 2 weeks, Kenny and I flew home and we had our first trip to The Mall of America. Pathology showed her tumor was a pilocytic astrocytoma with pilomyxoid features. It took so long because they had 2 of the world's leading pathologists working on it. One of the gentleman is the guy who discovered pilocytic astrocytomas in 1999.
Brie is getting stronger every day and is crawling again. They say she's not going too fast, but she's getting around. I think she'll surprise us all :o)

After getting back home and slowly getting back into the swing of things I began feeling semi-normal again. I unexpectedly had to get my breaks done. I needed new rotors. It was expensive. I feel like I'm back on my college budget. I boo it.

I learned one week ago, that my best friend's father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We have known each other for 21 yrs... I cried. A lot. It appears to be in the early stages and treatable. He is one of the kindest and sweetest men I've ever met. He is a rock. I don't see him often, but I love him dearly and treasure his words of wisdom.

Jerry has been having knee pain for a little over a month now. He went and had an MRI to see if anything was torn. He was then sent to an orthopedic surgeon. He has a tumor in his knee. The doctors he's been dealing with so far have never seen anything like it. He will be sent to a bone specialist at UT Southwestern for further diagnosis. I learned recently that his biological mom's sister had a tumor in her knee. It was cancerous and ended up taking her life. I am eerily calm about this. I am concerned and I love my husband more than words can say, but I truly believe everything will be OK. Ask me how I'm feeling once we figure out exactly what's going on and there may be a different story! For now, I'm OK.

I'm OK and I'm an auntie!!!! My brother David and his wife Danielle welcomed their son Preston Edward into the world on June 1st! Isn't he perfect???

Look at all that hair!

He was 7 lbs 1 oz and 20.5 inches. I'm in love! My mom, brother, Kenny and I will be headed to North Carolina to see them on the 22nd.

Born on Texas soil

My mom went to all of the places that are significant to her/David/our family and collected dirt. She baked it and wrapped it in a Texas flag bandanna :o) He's still part Texan!

Could I please just this once see your plan? Please?

*Sigh* There's a reason this blog is titled I guess you CAN'T plan life. It's because you can't. Lately things around here have been really up in the air. Jerry and I were informed that Heather, his ex-wife, would be moving to Branson, Missouri at the end of the month. She will be taking Trey and Jaeden with her unless they decide they want to live here. Jerry and I are both very very sad. It's hard to be a parent. Being a step-parent just might be harder... You don't want to step on toes and you have no legal rights. But you feel like you should. I feel like I should. I have sat up with them both when they have had nightmares. I have rubbed their backs while they were sick and hugging the toilet. I have bought their Christmas and birthday presents, done their laundry, cooked their meals, cheered for them, wept for them, yelled at them, supported them, kissed their boo boos, tucked them in, woken them up, failed them, been there for them, bored them to tears and entertained them. I have loved them. I have mothered them. I am not their mother. Legally, I am no one. I wish there was something I could do to keep them here. Jaeden is wavering with his decision. He really wants to stay and live with us, but he also really doesn't want to leave Trey. This is a huge decision and I'm so sorry he's been faced with it so early. No child should have to make such a difficult choice. I know it happens a lot, but I've never had to be a part of the process. This sucks. Trey is certain he wants to be with his mother. I'm very sad to see him go, but I feel that he belongs with her. They have a very close and special bond. Just like Jaeden has a very close and special bond with Jerry. Let me just say they may be 2 of the luckiest people on the planet. They both have so many people who love them and want to be with them. I would hate to see them split up, even though it may actually be what's best for them. This is such a hard thing. No one tells you how to handle these situations. There's no manual on how to ask children to "pick their parent". At this exact moment, Jaeden wants to stay with us (A new development as of last night). I'm doing my best not to get excited. He could change his mind any second and it's killing me. Watching Jerry have to go through this is really tough. He's remaining strong as ever, but I can see it's hurting him too. There have been many tears over the past few weeks and I don't know that they'll dry up any time soon. Waiting may be the hardest part. I trust the Lord has a plan. I trust this is for His purpose. I wish I knew what the plan was... It would certainly make this easier!

Cough*Cough*Hack*Hack

Ugh! I'm sick!!! I NEVER get sick. Well, except for right now anyway... I feel like poo. And poor Jerry is trying to get over being sick and trying to take care of me. Now he can add Kenny to his list of things to take care of because he's got whatever Jerry had, that I got and now he's got it. We love to share. When I get better I'm hosing this house down with Lysol. Poor Kenny. First the double ear infection and now this! We're gonna need more than Taylor to fix this one... AND he's been on antibiotics since Saturday. Now what? OK... I'm going to go die now.

My baby is sick :o(

Poor Kenny. He came down with a fever Tuesday night and had a really sore throat. He had a fever all day yesterday and I couldn't find a doctor to take him to due to the icy conditions we're currently facing in North Texas. Last night he wanted to Jerry to read him a bedtime story and Jerry was happy to oblige. After the book Jerry kissed him goodnight, tucked him in and came back into the living room.
Kenny called him back into the bedroom. They talked for just a little while then Jerry came back. Then Kenny would call for him again. If he wasn't calling for him, he would come out to the living room to talk one of us for "just a minute". (Those of you who have tucked in children before I'm sure have played this game. Kenny's pretty smart and knew he could milk it a little longer as Jerry and I both feel really bad for him since he's sick.)
Now I have to go back 6-8 months before I can finish the rest of the story....

I was in the kitchen making dinner when Jerry got home from work. He was running a little late due to a meeting that had run a little long.
A few nights earlier I had seen one of the mailers he receives from Kay's Jeweler's for being a frequent customer :o) (Yes, I'm a lucky girl!) I had noticed one of their amazing promotions where you can choose one of their two options for a great price. One of the items was a GORGEOUS sapphire ring. So I gave him a subtle hint.

Note: read subtle hint as sticking flyer under his pillow, putting it in his lunch box for him to see the next day, taping in the fridge next to the milk, putting in on top of his tooth brush or on top of his dinner plate before he sits down at the table. I can't remember which brilliant subtle hint I used for this one, but I'm thinking it was under the pillow...

So Jerry comes home and I'm in the kitchen and he's got a surprise for Kenny in a bag. He asked me to look at it first and see what I thought. I opened the bag and there was a really cute white puppy dog wearing a coat and earmuffs. His tag said his name was Taylor. I thought it was adorable!!! Jerry asked me to pull him out and hand it to him so I could give it to Kenny. When I took Taylor out of the bag, I saw that familiar little box. He had gone to Kay's and gotten me the ring I had seen. (I love my husband. He always knows how to surprise me!) Taylor, as it turns out, he bought at Kay's as well and the proceeds were to benefit St. Jude's.
Kenny saw the St. Jude's bag later and asked why the kids didn't have any hair. Jerry and I explained that some of them were sick and Taylor was a special dog. His job was to try and help kids feel better. The money used to buy Taylor would help to try and find the medicine the children needed to make them well. Kenny seemed to understand and was happy he had such a special little friend.

Back to last night... Kenny had come out or called for one of us I don't know how many times and we were beginning to lose our patience. Kenny asked for help once more and we simply told him to go to bed. He replied back and said he was trying to get to Taylor. My. Heart. Broke.
I knew exactly what was happening. Jerry didn't believe me when I told him why Kenny wanted him specifically. He went back there to help Kenny get Taylor and came back to confirm. Kenny said he wanted Taylor because he helps kids feel better. How did he remember??? I almost cried at how innocent and hopeful he sounded. (Yes, I'm a big softy. Don't tell.)
I checked Kenny's forehead at midnight, four and six this morning. He hasn't had a fever since around ten o'clock last night... Maybe I just need faith like a child.
Kenny still has a sore throat, but the fever has yet to return. Yay! Hopefully one more night of snuggling with Taylor (along with a humidifier) will clear that up.

This could be good!

About a week ago my loving husband started a conversation with me by saying, "So don't take this the wrong way"... That's never a good thing to hear! Well, maybe this time it was :o)
Short story long, he was trying to entertain himself while I was out of town in Austin with my Dad and Kenny. He spent a lot of time on the computer and would randomly click on ads that interested him. And by interested him I mean even slightly elevated his curiosity. He saw an ad for something called Leanspa and decided to look into it. It is a weight loss pill that is supposed to help you lose 30 lbs in a month... basically 1 lb a day. Yeah right!
Turns out a CBS news affiliate up in New York had one of their reporters do a "Deal or Dud" type experiment with it. She ended up losing something like 29 lbs and 4 dress sizes! He was considering ordering it for himself as he read on. She went on saying how much here energy increased and how she'd never felt better.
This is when he started thinking about it for me. I have been complaining about my weight since I was... old enough to talk! Really since I had Kenny, but I thought I was fat for a long time before him. What I wouldn't give to have that body back!!! He was thinking about how I keep wanting to change my appearance and how worn out I am by the end of the day and thought maybe he'd order it for me.
There are 2 different pills to take 3 times a day and for a 1 month supply of both it is typically $160! A small fortune as far as I'm concerned!! With whatever deal he'd spotted, he had the opportunity to get both of them for around $12!!!
He went on to tell me that he loved me very much and only wanted me to be happy. He likes the way I look now, but he knows I don't. He told me if I wanted to take it he would let me have it. Of course I jumped at the opportunity!
I started taking the pills today. I have to say I have had way more energy and have been in an all around better mood. I weighed myself today and took all the approprate measurements and can't wait to see what kind of progress I make in the next week or so. Hopefully I have the kind of success they advertise! I'll keep you posted!!!

I think I need a tissue...

I just became overwhelmed with sorrow as I realized how much I'm going to miss my big brother... He's moving from Temple, TX to North Carolina in the next week or so. I don't see him a lot as it is, but the distance is going make it even harder. In reality I'll probably see him close to the same amount as I do now. I'm going to Temple tomorrow with my mom to help them finish packing. Did I mention my sister-in-law is pregnant? It's a boy and she's due in June. Not only will I probably not get to be there for the birth, but he won't be a Texan! I'm going to miss them so much. I'm really sad right now :o( I hope I can hold it together through the weekend. When Mom and I leave them on Sunday I hope I can hold it together for her. I know she must be heartbroken.

The thing about kids is that you love them more than anything else on the planet. You hurt when they hurt and you cry when they cry. You celebrate with them and mourn with them. I'm so excited to see what the next chapter holds for them, but I'm so sad to see them go. It's got to be so hard for her to not be there when her grand baby is born... Perhaps God will work one of his many miracles and we can be there for this little blessing. If not all of us, then at least her. Every Grandma should get to hold her grand baby and look into their eyes. Maybe I live in a dream world to hope for such a thing.

My heart hurts for my mom... Come Sunday I'll do my best to hold it together and I'll be there to hold her hand and supply the Kleenex.

P.S. Sorry this post isn't exactly sunshine and kittens. You caught me at a weak moment...